—”Man Man, I can’t accept it.”

    Zhang Man was speechless and could only lift her head and eagerly kiss the stubble that had just grown on his chin.

    She reached out her hand and pressed her chest.

    Looking at him like this, her chest was so painful, that she was almost suffocating.

    The youth calmed down a bit and continued, “They came for me today just as usual.”

    “Before you came back, they both, at the same time, appeared… standing right in front of me, talking to me in my ear all the time…”

    What he didn’t say was that he had just had a brief period of time where he lost his mind and he didn’t know what he had done himself.

    When he came back to his senses, she was already beside him.

    He said, closing his eyes, as if he had suddenly given up the struggle.

    “Man Man, they were right. I’m really…… really crazy.”

    “In all my years, I’ve deluded myself into thinking of two people who don’t exist at all.”

    He lowered his head and buried it in her neck, desperate and in pain, his voice so low it was almost inaudible.

    “Do you still want me, Man Man?”

    He was so crazy that even his own grandfather was afraid of him and abandoned him.

    Even, he disgusted himself.

    Would you still want me then?

    Would you be afraid? Are you going to …… leave me?

    “If you want to leave me ……”

    …Then I will let you go.

    The latter part of the sentence could not be said, because if it was said, perhaps his heart would explode from the pain— she’s all he has.

    If she left him, would he still be able to live?

    Zhang Man listened to the youth’s words and eagerly covered his mouth.

    “I won’t leave you. Li Wei, do you still remember what I said to you that time in the schoolyard? I said, I will always stay with you, and will never ever leave you. Don’t worry, you’re just sick and you’ll get better, just like having a cold and fever.”

    She looked at him in silence and, fearing he wouldn’t believe her, eagerly held out her hand, “Here, touch my arm. I didn’t get goose bumps at all when I heard you say that. Really, I’m not scared at all.”

    “In fact, when I came to your house that time, I discovered your illness the day Nick was ‘here’. I calmly said ‘hello’ to him at that time, and I really wasn’t afraid at all. ” – (Refer to chapter 20)

    Li Wei’s heart trembled.

    Too much has happened today for him to subconsciously ignore the matter.

    So it’s like that, she actually knew about his illness all along? She knew all this and still chose to stay with him?

    Even knowing all of this, she still embraced him so tenderly and kissed him back sweetly?

    He eagerly raised his eyes to look at her. The young girl’s face still bore clearly visible traces of tears, and her red eyes looked at him stubbornly, seemingly until she saw him believe it.

    Such familiar stubbornness suddenly reminded him of the time when, in order to convince herself that she was really sick, she held out her hand to show him the needle marks in her hand.

    His Man Man, from beginning to end, treated him the same.

    Even if the world abandoned him, she still wanted to be there for him— she didn’t give up on him, like everyone else did.

    The fierce pain and panic in the heart of the young man gradually dissipated, he suddenly began to rejoice—amidst the million misfortunes, he was finally fortunate enough to be able to embrace her in his arms.

    He hugged her tightly and gently rubbed his chin against the center of her hair.

    “Man Man, go to sleep, you must be tired today.”

    “I’m not. You…do you not believe me?”

    Zhang Man stubbornly raised her head to look at him. She was very tired, very sleepy, but before getting a reply, she simply couldn’t sleep.

    “Mhm, I believe.”

    He decided, this time he had to be selfish. He had given her a chance, and since she had said she wouldn’t leave, well, he wasn’t going to let go again.

    The youth patted the back of the young girl in his arms one by one, trying to restrain his inner emotions from surging.

    Zhang Man was slightly relieved to get his answer.

    As long as he can let her accompany him, even the biggest difficulties, she will accompany him to cross over.

    After worrying all night and running in the snowstorm for so long, the psychological torture combined with the physical weakness made her head dizzy at the moment.

    She tried to open her eyes to look at him, but she could not restrain herself and passed out.

    ……

    Outside the window, the snowstorm that roared all night quietly stopped at this point, and the city fell into a peaceful slumber after the heavy snowfall.

    In the room, the bedside lamp was turned down to its lowest brightness, and the faint yellow light shone on the faces of them two, quiet and warm.

    The air conditioner goes into a quiet mode at this point, working silently.

    The silence that belongs to the night comes.

    Zhang Man’s breathing sounds more and more stable, while the youth beside her does not dare to sleep at all – he still has palpitations. He fears that after he falls asleep, this real warm body in his arms will again become his delusion.

    And then suddenly, he heard a very light footstep.

    ‘Da— da— da……’

    It was eerie and creepy on such a quiet night.

    He opened his eyes abruptly and found Nick standing at the head of the bed.

    He suddenly had a face.

    He grinned hideously and looked at him provocatively— his hands, folded, in a dangerous position, resting on the neck of the young girl in his arms.

    He wants to hurt her.

    The youth felt his blood ignite and the nerves in the corners of his forehead pulsate. Before the violence in his heart reached its peak, he grabbed Nick’s wrist and clamped down hard on him, pulling him viciously outward.

    He would not allow anyone to hurt her.

    His strength was tremendous and unrelenting, so in the next second, not surprisingly, he heard the other party’s cry of surprise.

    The voice, however, was not Nick’s.

    He woke up with a start and realized that what he had just squeezed was actually Zhang Man’s wrist.

    As if he was electrocuted, he immediately let go of her hand.

    “What’s wrong?”

    Zhang Man rubbed her drowsy eyes, she just fell asleep for a while, and suddenly felt a pain in her wrist, and woke up with a cry of surprise.

    The youth gritted his teeth and tried desperately to control his voice from trembling.

    “It’s nothing, I……just had a bad dream.”

    Zhang Man’s heart sank.

    This incident is really too big a blow to him.

    She pressed her temples in an effort to force herself awake.

    “Li Wei, you go to sleep first, okay? I’ll sleep after I see you sleep. Don’t worry, I’ll always be by your side all the time, I won’t leave. You should not think too much, tomorrow the sun will rise and everything will be fine.”

    “……Mhm.”

    The youth closed his eyes as he spoke, seemingly listening to her words.

    Zhang Man opened her eyes and gently stroked his shoulders to lull him to sleep. She lay strongly for a while, listening to his increasingly long breaths, before letting out a sigh of relief.

    The side of the youth’s face was calm and delicate in the faint light, his brow stretched, his long eyelashes quietly casting two shadows on his cheeks.

    He was asleep as if he had not experienced any misfortune or pain.

    It’s good to be asleep, and as long as he doesn’t think about it, everything will be fine.

    Zhang Man leaned over and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his lips.

    She felt the warmth and softness of his lips and couldn’t resist another kiss.

    Then she leaned over to his ear and said very softly, “Boyfriend, you must get better. I will always be there for you.”

    –She has to stay with him until they grow old.

    After saying that, she could not resist sleep and tiredness again, rolled over and fell into a deep sleep.

    Just then, the youth who seemed to have fallen asleep suddenly opened his previously closed eyes behind the young girl, and he could no longer control the shaking.

    –He had just returned to his senses when he found one of his hands clutching her wrist, and the other, resting on her slender, fragile neck.

    It turned out that it was not Nick who wanted to choke her, but he himself.

    The youth’s heart welled up with a burst of fear that gave him the creeps.

    The pajamas on his back had been completely soaked with cold sweat, and the cold touch from the evaporation of sweat at the moment made him shudder violently.

    He suddenly recalled the day that his father hung him on the drying rod on the balcony and was so delirious that he laughed while telling him, “If you don’t dry it when it’s wet, you’ll catch a cold and get sick and die……”

    Then a rope was tied around his neck and hung him on the balcony, after which he was left to struggle desperately and painfully, and was never bothered again.

    –He would have been dead if the neighbors hadn’t found out.

    The feeling of suffocation came violently, the knot of fate, at this time tightened again around his throat. Yes, how could he forget it… he and his father are the same after all.

    They are just as crazy and just as dangerous.

    So, it is likely that at some point in the future, the person who is struggling and on the verge of suffocation will most likely turn out to be her.

    The youth reached out and covered his mouth, curling up in pain, gasping silently in such a quiet night, his nails had long been pinched hard into his palm. An unspeakable burning sensation suddenly arose in his stomach, so uncomfortable that he almost vomited.

    He looked beyond despair at the sleeping girl in front of him.

    Her back was lithe, and her long, satin hair was spread all over the pillow. She was lying on her side, sleeping with her back to him, and gave her entire back to him with utmost trust.

    She was not the least bit wary of him.

    The youth shakily lifted his hand and placed it under the bedside lamp.

    Through the yellowish light, he looked carefully at his hand— a long, strong, and sinewy man’s hand, which has the ability to do many things it wants to do, such as, for example, snapping the slender, soft neck in front of him.

    His upper and lower teeth keep chattering and he suddenly felt very cold.

    A penetrating cold.

    He wanted to reach out and embrace the source of warmth in front of him, but withdrew his hand the moment it touched her soft hair.

    How dare you, touch her again?!

    Did you just want her to stay with you for the rest of your life? How can you possibly condone that?! Can you let her be around a madman every day, in fear, even facing all kinds of deadly dangers?!

    The youth closed his eyes, curled up his index finger, opened his mouth and bit down hard on his knuckles. His sharp teeth easily bit through the skin, blood gushed out, salty and bitter.

    Only then could he shift the pain in his heart a little, the kind of pain that was killing him.

    He knew that it was all over.

    Let her go, you let her go. She is a girl who is more beautiful than an angel …

    How can you bear it?

    She accidentally tore a hole in his world from the outside and then burrowed in with a rolling spark, catching him off guard that way. But he knew that maybe he couldn’t get out for the rest of his life and that he couldn’t be so selfish as to keep her inside to accompany him as he fell into the infinite darkness.

    He was so lucky to suddenly meet this lost girl one day and fall in love with her. She stumbled into his darkness, and now he had to send her out himself.

    At that moment, the youth was hopeless, and shivering with red eyes.

—-


Translator’s Note:

“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”

James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

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Mei

A Japanese language student that decided to translate Chinese Novels during the pandemic. If you want to support us, you can buy us a ko-fi. To maintain the site and support the translators as well.

Thank you for reading!

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sasisuseso

Oh my heart….😭😭😭😭😭

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